It was possible that the game–like San Andreas before it–would not live up to my jonesing and be somewhat disappointing. So I spent whatever final hours I could get out of yesterday in the game, discovering that Rockstar has now put into the hands of every addict a complete new world to manipulate, mould and terrorise as they wish. The scale of involvement in this title is huge, ranging from an old car’s squeaking suspension and noisy brakes to all the new physics that affect everything. Hillary Clinton’s gonna be mebelipissed.

It’s possible that there are flaws in this work that I have yet to see, but at the moment I am quite satisfied at calling this the best game ever made and prepare myself to defend that claim. Although I think the only thing I need to prepare myself for is having GTA4 swallow up years of my life.

Barring any hold-ups, I should be landing in Sweden within a month or so. Population around 20 per square kilometer, GDP about $336 billion. Largest export: blonde babes. I’m hoping that being from an alien country will play in my favour somehow, similar to when citizens of Krypton visit Earth. Reasonable as I am, I’m not going to try and leap any tall buildings in a single bound. That kind of thing takes practice.

• Suspect questioned in Texas shooting - Let go afterwards.

• South Africa reverses Marijuana ban - Citizens can now get as fucked-up as the rest of the country.

• Lithuanian prime minister speaks out against U.S. war on terror: “stop DMing ffs!”

• Madagascar sinks - “That movie sucked!” Says specialist.

Prison Break

Everyone who kept watching after there was no prison or break in season 2 has been well rewarded, since season 3 once again has both. The surreal quality of the new hellhole prison called Sona, along with the general lawlessness of Panama adds a few other interesting elements to the show. Not to mention the fact that most surviving characters from the previous seasons are now incarcerated with Scofield.

Notice: The previous paragraph contained season 2 spoilers.

Californication

I got to check this one out while the first season was still being aired and was surprised to find that up until then I didn’t even know about the funniest show on TV.

The show follows writer Hank Moody as he cleverly sleeps with every woman in California in an attempt to win back his true love. There is a shortage of Californication quote pages on the internet, probably because anyone who’s ever tried making one realised that you might as well just repost the script instead of trying to retype all the funny lines in the show.

It’s on right after Weeds, just in case anyone watching didn’t already think Showtime was the best broadcaster on the planet.

Dexter

I’ll admit that adding a hot brunette with a British accent to the cast may have altered my opinion somewhat, but the second season of Dexter just seemed better somehow. It was already one of few shows that managed to be good despite an interesting concept, and this season the story of a serial killer fighting crime has never looked so good.

The Lost Room

This 6-ep miniseries had come and gone long before I checked it out, and is based mostly around this very interesting premise: A motel room has somehow become unstuck in space-time and can now only appear if its key is used in any other compatible door. From within the room you can travel instantly to any other compatible door. It’s one of a few Science Fiction shows that gets by without aliens and long explanations about gannet radiation in the lavatory.

Top Gear

The new format Top Gear is clearly not just another motoring show, and over the years has become the bitter template that other motoring shows can only aspire to if they want cars and viewers.

The show’s rather strange Gonzo-like format is what makes it unique, and this along with an apparently huge budget has made this last season the best so far.

This time the local electricity provider has been executing rolling power cuts due to bad planning and general incompetence. This is called load shedding, and over here it’s the reason that yet another traffic light is no longer working every time you drive home. Load shedding is nothing new here. January actually marks its first anniversary. We joke that it’s becoming like Zimbabwe, and then nobody laughs.

It is just one of the things that has been contributing to my growing feeling that the noose is being tightened, and that has made me decide that it is now time. Yesterday  I resigned from the IT company where I’ve worked for 6 years, with the intention of moving to Europe post haste. Among other things, I find it interesting that I finally got a really cushy job and then almost immediately started planning my escape. Apparently that escape plan just won’t do if it couldn’t potentially become very difficult for me.

It’s unclear exactly when I will be invading the European shores, but if you happen to watch the news one day and they announce a sharp drop in coolness figures over there, you will know.

I can present that as an excuse, but I have to admit that the real reason I didn’t update was authentic laziness. By now the internet has become so close to my life that the world would about have to end before I was more than three steps away from easily-accessible porn. I have an RSS reader on my phone, man.

Just like when the power goes out, I was forced to realise that I am heavily dependant on the machine. At work I sit in front of a computer for hours, then I come home and sit in front of another one some more. With the hardware failures I got to experience a bit of a life more normal. I sat around the house for a while and stared at things. I watched TV, the news was on. I swear, if it wasn’t for pot I would’ve gone to the garage and tried to build myself a hat stand or something.

Chief among the upcoming changes are services like such as Science uVote, where nationwide ballots will be collected relating to science and medicine, giving everyday people the freedom to decide what should be done to cure diseases and what else can be done with batteries. Whichever answer gets the most votes will be obeyed by all, the rest will be dismissed as wrong.

Changes already made include the change of spelling from Europe to Urop, “because names of countries with letters you don’t say is just dumb.” As always, corporate sponsorship will be accepted and votes will be recounted as necessary.

Now they’ve decided to unkill and upgrade their Aibo robot dog, adding features like headcams with POV streaming, facial recognition and a seemingly Cylon eyepiece.

Nice. Imagine this dark and deceptively small robot using its ever-scanning eyepiece to observe all your habits and stare at you while you’re sleeping.